Leaving
by pinkhairkunoichi
Summary: "I don't understand, Sasuke-kun. What is it about me that makes it so easy for you to leave?" Sometimes you have to do the right thing even if your heart aches against it.


"I don't understand, Sasuke-kun. What is it about me that makes it so easy for you to leave?"

Sasuke frowns. He's not looking at her, he doesn't need to. With the way her words were spoken he knows she's fighting the tears from spilling out of her eyes. She probably has this look on her face, one that he hates. A look that reaches deep inside him, that makes him want to rethink every decision he's ever taken. A look that makes him want to throw everything away and just stay, hold her and never let go. It's a look of hurt and he hates it, he despises it because he knows he's the cause of it.

She doesn't understand that it is not easy to leave. She thinks it's simple for him but it isn't. It wasn't when he had to leave her on that bench. It wasn't when he left after their first encounter although it might've seem like it. He would've expected it to be, many years had passed, but it wasn't. It never gets easier and it certainly isn't this time around.

He believes last night was a mistake. The moment he saw her he should've fled, avoided her at all costs. He shouldn't have given into the temptation to watch her a little longer. She was aware of his presence and he knew that, but still he let himself be directed to the outskirts of the remote village. She shouldn't have talked to her, touched her or kissed her. It was wrong. He should've stopped everything the moment he felt himself losing control. But how could he stop himself from something that, for the very first time, felt right in his heart.

She doesn't know how he feels about her and she never will because he refuses to tell her. She will never know how much she means to him, how she's the only light in his life, that she always has been and that he is forever grateful for that. She will never know how proud he is of her for what she's become and how he almost wishes he stayed to watch her grow into the woman and kunoichi she is today. Most of all, she will never know how much he loves her and that he always has.

She must think that he doesn't care about her at all. She must feel used, and how could she not? He has given her every reason to do so. He's doing it right now as he refuses to meet her gaze and pretends like last night meant nothing to him.

Sasuke wants to tell her the truth but he can't.

Deep inside he hopes that one day she will understand his reasons. The reasons for not being able to lay next to her as the sun rises above their heads, the reasons for not being able to give her the happiness that they both want, need and she so much deserves.

He acknowledges he's made countless mistakes. He's a horrible person, he believes. Everything in his life is a consequence of his actions starting from the night he left the Leaf. No matter how much he relieves that night and wonders what could've been, nothing will change. He can't go back to the village with her, it's too late. After all he's done, it's not right. And he can't ask her to come with him because it's selfish, she has so much to go home for. Staying with him would only put her in danger. He can't give her what she wants. She deserves so much more than what he can offer.

She's probably crying at this point. He hasn't met her gaze and decides that he won't. He can't. Sasuke closes his eyes and he promises to himself that this is the last time he will cause her pain. He will not hurt her again, not ever.

He doesn't want to go. He truly doesn't, but he knows he has to. He's certain she's crying now, he can listen to her sobs. He starts to walk away before his urge to lay next to her takes over him completely. He leaves her on the ground, bare except for the soft blanket that covers her beautiful body. He walks away sad, grateful and in love.

When he think he's far enough he stops. He lets a single tear roll down his cheek. Proof that he cares.

He hopes she will understand that there's nothing wrong with her, it's just that sometimes you have to do the right thing even if your heart aches against it.

He hopes she will have it in her heart to forgive him, one day.


End file.
